Painful thoughts

Surrendered to the pain

Yet, here I am,

Attempting to ground myself

In the only way my fucked-up brain knows how.

My thoughts are a dangerous place to get lost,

A maze of confusion and volatile emotions,

A ball of compressed feelings sits heavily on my chest,

Each breath shorter than the last, the pressure building.

Gazing out the window, the world blurs past,

But my attention is focused inward,

My entire being reduced to this sickening need.

Pain is a temptress, promising sweet clarity,

If only I would surrender myself wholly to her.

My blade calls to me,

A match flickers in the corner of my mind,

The embers of a lit cigarette beckon me forward.

Anything to beat back and surrender to the pain,

To find the release that only she can give.

And yet, in the midst of all this darkness,

A flicker of light, a glimmer of hope,

A voice that whispers, "You can make it through."

So I take a deep breath, ball my fists,

And find the strength to fight back,

To face the pain and overcome it,

To stand firm in the face of the storm.

For even though my thoughts are a dangerous place,

And my emotions a tangled mess,

I know that I am stronger than I think,

And that I can find my way out of the darkness.