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Masks

Recently I have had a lot of time to think about the various masks put on by humans. Each of us presents a different facade to different people, making it challenging to truly understand someone. Right now, I am at a stage where many things in my life are going wrong because of a version of me that existed and is now indigestible for my world. The question that keeps coming my way is, why that mask? Why put it on in the first place? The truth is, masks make us feel safe even when they get suffocating and unbearable. They are like a shield that makes one feel stronger even if its an extra weight we are dragging around. I know my mask makes you feel frustrated and disconnected. Yet, I wonder, why is vulnerability something you seek in me but hesitate to show me in return? Every time my heart cracks a little, I learn a little bit more about love. I used to associate love with familiarity and similarities, but now I see it differently. Love isn't about drowning in guilt and fear; it...
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Kingdom

At one point, before him I wanted a kingdom I wanted someone to build me one But now After it all I realise Its not a kingdom I wanted It was just him All of him But all I got was a kiss It wasn't passionate Wasn't paniful Didn't split my lip It didn't taste like  bliss, love or hope It was a dark kiss one that licked the edges of danger and heartbreak It challenged me And then it broke me I got too close Too much and now I'm paying the price -Sruthi Nair If you have any suggestions, doubts or queries feel free to mention them in the comment box below. My poetry book ' Fires of Grief: A tale of transformation' is available on Amazon and Flipkart. For a special discount use code PRINCESS50 on the website below. Fires of Grief
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Grief

 Grief isn't an emotion. It is a state of being, and guilt held grief by the hand, caoxing it to the other side of survival and breaking its kneecaps just before the finsh line.  Grief can be a catastrophic thing. You can let it destroy either you or those around you. I know I'm making it sound like a choice. It is and it's not. Like all things in life, how grief is handled is based on choices.  What no one prepares you for is how cruel and manipulative grief can be or how it uses your pain to beat you down again and again. Grief clouds the roads laid before you and it's so easy to get lost.  To survive something terrible you have to bury how it makes you feel. And after you get through it, when it's safe, you can allow yourself to feel.  Somedays when I look in the mirror I see a different me. I see someone barely holding it together. I see someone fighting so damn hard to stay strong, that I am not letting myself feel what happened.  Now I realise it's be...
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Embrace

A tale of hurt, where the truth lies. "You think I don't care?" echoes despair, As I witnessed your retreat, stripped and bare. I gave you your space, I gave you your time, I listened when you needed a voice to chime. Through tears and laughter, I stood by your side, A beacon of strength when your spirits would hide. I held your hand when darkness would creep, A friend, a confidante, in secrets I'd keep. I put your feelings over my own, A selfless devotion, a love that had grown. I broke all my rules so you could be happy, But still, it seems, your soul was not appeased. You, my dear, make me feel like a zero, A weight on my shoulders, a never-ending sorrow. Yet I find solace in caring for you, For in nurturing others, I find my own truth. For in healing your wounds, I tended to my own, A balm for my soul, a love I had sown. For deep within me, a longing resides, A need to be cared for, a desire I hide. I stood there, an observer of your retreat, As you turned your ba...
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Princess

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In the dance of shadows which is my life, A princess emerges, With a grace that astounds, her spirit surges. She's the embodiment of strength and resilience, A beacon of hope, dispelling all indifference. Her presence, a radiant light in the night, Guiding me through the darkness with her gentle might. For she chose to live, to rise above the pain, And in doing so, she inspired me to do the same. With her by my side, I'm fortified and strong, Together, we defy the demons' cruel song. In her touch, a healing power resides, A love that mends, as the wounded heart abides. She is the princess of my shattered dreams, A symbol of hope, in spite of life's extremes. For in her presence, I find solace and peace, A respite from the chaos, a tender release. So let me dance, hand in hand, heart to heart, With the princess as my guide, I'll never depart. For if my demons can't dance, neither can I, But with her, my princess, I'll forever be free. In her eyes, the reflect...
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Painful thoughts

Surrendered to the pain Yet, here I am, Attempting to ground myself In the only way my fucked-up brain knows how. My thoughts are a dangerous place to get lost, A maze of confusion and volatile emotions, A ball of compressed feelings sits heavily on my chest, Each breath shorter than the last, the pressure building. Gazing out the window, the world blurs past, But my attention is focused inward, My entire being reduced to this sickening need. Pain is a temptress, promising sweet clarity, If only I would surrender myself wholly to her. My blade calls to me, A match flickers in the corner of my mind, The embers of a lit cigarette beckon me forward. Anything to beat back and surrender to the pain, To find the release that only she can give. And yet, in the midst of all this darkness, A flicker of light, a glimmer of hope, A voice that whispers, "You can make it through." So I take a deep breath, ball my fists, And find the strength to fight back, To face the pain and overcome it...
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Reality

Reality is so boring, we crave the fantastic The magic, the wonder, the dreams that enchant us But are we really lazy for wanting to escape The mundane routine, the ordinary landscape? It's not the same, there's a difference, see, Between those who choose apathy and those like you and me. We fight, we strive, we persevere, But sometimes we need a moment to catch our breath and clear. Survival mode, we've been living in for years Exhausted and drained, our souls lost in fears It takes a toll, this constant fight, To keep your head above water, to survive the night. Fear reminds us, we're alive and we're strong It helps us prepare for challenges, come along Conquer them, don't let them hold us down We have the power to turn things around What will be, will be, a truth to hold on to But don't forget to live in the present too The future is yet to come, but so is today Make the most of it, don't let it slip away Reimagine the past, it's a tempting game B...
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Intentional Love

 On purpose, I wanted to be loved, A deliberate act, pure and true, For I never loved on accident, It was always a choice, a deliberate intent. I hold my sadness deep inside, A silent daze, a hidden sorrow. In my chest, in my eyes, in my teeth to hide, It stays still, unspoken and unseen, As I try to be strong and serene. You are not a bad person, I know, For the ways you tried to let your sadness go, It's a battle that we all have to fight, And sometimes it takes all our might. So love me with all your heart, And we'll face our sadness, never to part, Together we'll find the strength to heal, And make our hearts happy and whole again, for real. Where will I find a soul like this, I need someone to love. To find beauty in life's hidden claws, And create a universe of endless love. - Sruthi Nair If you have any suggestions, doubts or queries feel free to mention them in the comment box below. My poetry book ' Fires of Grief: A tale of transformation' is availa...
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Electricity

It came into my life like a bolt from the blue, A shock that woke me up and changed my point of view. Electricity coursing through my veins, The pulse in my blood, the light in the darkness, erasing all the pains. The heart can be a funny little thing, It beats for some and stops for others without warning. It showed me kindness, a rare and precious gift, Born from violence that made me so gentle, it uplifted my spirit. I always smile, but tears are not far away, A reminder of the storms that pass and leave me astray. You were angry, fists clenched and teeth chattering, And though not cruel, your words were like lightning striking. "I'm sorry, please come back," I begged, "Stay a moment longer, let me fix what's been wrecked. I know it's your fault, but I can make it right, I'm afraid you'll leave because you no longer love me tonight." Grief is a world of its own, and it feels like fear, A heavy emptiness that's hard to bear. But I'll le...
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Lighthouse

My love is like a lighthouse Guiding ships through the darkest night It serves as both a warning And a shelter from the storms in or out of sight For I twist clouds to bring the rain Ensuring your thirst is quenched And nothing quite compares to the beauty Of tears from a wretched soul  I became a poet to give voice To the emotions that reside within For I was never a polished gem Or someone's muse Just a rough stone, waiting to begin My love is not perfect Cause I was never taught But they come straight from my heart So with every verse, I hope to heal The wounds that keep us apart So let my love be the beacon That guides you to safe shores For in my arms, you'll find comfort And love that forever endures Will this make you stay? Or will you lie? Will you defy the stars? Or will you walk away? -Sruthi Nair If you have any suggestions, doubts or queries feel free to mention them in the comment box below. My poetry book ' Fires of Grief: A tale of transformation' is a...
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SS: Love

I have never told him I have been in love with him as far as I can remember. It's just one of those things that I know exist but chooses to ignore. He was in my every thought. My every breath. I woke up thinking of him. I went to bed thinking of him. My love for him was one of those cliches. But I never got to tell him I loved him. Years had passed since I last saw him. I had moved on with my life, trying to forget about him. But every now and then, I would think of him and wonder what could have been. It was a chilly winter night and I was walking down the street, lost in thought. That's when I saw him, standing at the end of the road, looking at me. As he walked towards me, I could feel my heart racing. It had been years. But at that moment it did not feel that way. Something in him called out to me. "Hey," he said, smiling. "Hey," I replied, trying to sound casual. We stood there for a few moments, the silence between us almost palpable. And then, without...
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Tomorrow

 I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending risky and reckless text messages. I love being blunt and naive. I love telling people I love them and calling them magical. I love writing letters about how I cannot imagine a world without them. How I am glad they really exist? I love saying, 'Hug me' and 'You are a wonderful person,' and 'You brighten my day'. I live my life as truthfully as possible. Because one day I will stop breathing and that day could be tomorrow. Maybe it's dark and scary. It could be weird too. Maybe it's embarrassing to let people know you like them, need them, and want them. That in this moment you feel like this and that you might possibly die if you don't see or talk to them.  And what's even more scary and risky is pretending not to care! Pretending like you don't walk with your heart in your hands, willing to share it with anyone who show an ounce of kindness. The world is cruel and lonely and unpredictabl...
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Loneliness

 Loneliness is not always visible. Sometimes it happens at 3 in the afternoon while you are knee-deep in work. It just hits you and you won't be able to escape it. But the problem is you have convinced yourself that this was necessary- this loneliness. You thought it was the only way to survive. So you let it consume you.  And now, it is overwhelming.  When you spend so much time trying to convince yourself that you will always be alone, it becomes difficult when someone wants you. It feels like cheating. It feels like eating something you are not supposed to eat, and you eat it too quickly, always afraid of them walking in and seeing it smeared all over your face, the damning evidence of your hunger to be wanted, to be needed. But nobody wants to love someone that desperate to be loved, so you do your best to be indifferent. You walk in the cold, with your hands in your pocket, too afraid to hold them out. You do your best to look like someone who doesn't want anything t...
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Love

Love is a very strange feeling. It is extremely confusing and indefinite. It makes your emotions the mental equivalent of a tornado that's decimated a small town.  Some people love in a nice way. In a simple way. In an easy way. When those people lose someone they love, they mourn, but eventually they move on. But others, don't love in a nice way. It's not soft or wholesome. It fills up so completely that sometimes it becomes difficult to breathe. It's not healthy. It's not right. It's a love that involves the whole goddamn soul. When they lose their love, they would raze the fucking world to the ground. They'd ruin it, just for existing when their love didn't.  Now, this is the kind of love they talk about in history books, the ones that started wars. The reason empires rise and fall. The connection that burns so hot that it isn't a gentle flame. It's an inferno that could ignite the whole world.  Love comes into your life like a bolt from the b...
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Seconds

 I have come to realize that our hardest and happiest moments usually happen within the span of a few seconds. We rarely see it coming, whether it's good news or a rash decision with life-altering consequences. But it's the tough ones that stand out the most. They make an impact. There is never any time to prepare yourself, both mentally and physically. All you can do is pick up the pieces and move forward as best as you can.  There have been many such moments in my life. Events that changed the very fibers of me. That constructed me. The reasons I act. Behave. And all it took were seconds. My reality changed in mere seconds. Every time it happens I become emotionally burnt out and confused. I debate with my mind, which wants to cower, to hide in a dark place inside me, and with my body which wants to drown or to feel something intense that doesn't burn. To remember, it's mine. Because in those moments, my body only feels the incident. Like it has only just been dragged...
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Happy Birthday my Love

Today is my best friend's birthday. On a good day, I feel like a shitty friend. Today is worse. I have known my princess for 8 years now. In these 8 years, everything in my life has turned upside down, except her. She is my constant. Now I know it is wrong to place your happiness on one person. But my God there is not a single day this girl doesn't make me happy. So it becomes very difficult to keep my cool around her, especially knowing that she has this entire universe outside of our friendship that is so much better than anything I could ever give her. But that doesn't stop me from going hulk anytime anything remotely threatens us. I think it probably has to do with the fact that she came into my life when I was heartbroken. I was not even good to her but she wore me down and told me she is not leaving. I don't know what she saw in me all those years ago in that library, but I am grateful to her. She chose to stay when most left. Now, baby I know I am missing your bi...
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Letter to you

Dear you,  I don’t know why things happen the way they do, but I believe that the result is always the same. I believe in fate. If you veer off course, fate will help you back on. It wouldn’t matter what direction you took, eventually, your life would lead you to the destination you needed to be at. Maybe that’s us. Maybe things could have been easier between you and me. But maybe I didn’t want it to be easier. Because every scar that I’ve received on the way to getting here has helped me mold into the person I am today.   I have heard that if you struggle to sleep at night, someone is thinking of you. Like an anchor, tugging on your soul to keep it in this world, as opposed to losing yourself in purgatory. Isn’t that what a dream state is? Purgatory for your head and the messed-up things inside of it? The place your demons meet with your sanity, and they fight about who will win. Will it be your nightmares or the actuality of peace? I like to think of my life as purgator...
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SPRING’S DREAM

In summer I found a girl   Wind in her hair   A gleam in her eyes   She called me her faith   And I fell for her.     In autumn I found a boy   But it was just fleeting memories   That flew like the yellow leaves.     In winter I met another   A wolf in sheep’s clothing   Hiding behind the icy cold air   That hurt my lungs   He told me I needed saving   From the rot left behind by autumn   I gave him me   And he grabbed me by my throat and tore me up.     I was scattered into the wind   The old remnants of a snowy evening     As I was drifting   I saw a hand   Held up to the sky   I flew into it    and he caught me.     He reminded me of the spring   Fresh leaves and new beginnings   He picked me up   Glued me   Told me I was his dream.   He begged me to stay   And made a rainbow for me.     Now here...
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