Loneliness

 Loneliness is not always visible. Sometimes it happens at 3 in the afternoon while you are knee-deep in work. It just hits you and you won't be able to escape it. But the problem is you have convinced yourself that this was necessary- this loneliness. You thought it was the only way to survive. So you let it consume you. 

And now, it is overwhelming. 

When you spend so much time trying to convince yourself that you will always be alone, it becomes difficult when someone wants you. It feels like cheating. It feels like eating something you are not supposed to eat, and you eat it too quickly, always afraid of them walking in and seeing it smeared all over your face, the damning evidence of your hunger to be wanted, to be needed. But nobody wants to love someone that desperate to be loved, so you do your best to be indifferent. You walk in the cold, with your hands in your pocket, too afraid to hold them out. You do your best to look like someone who doesn't want anything too much.  

And then you are lonely all over again, despite having someone next to you and the people will start to whisper, 

How terrible that you could do all this to yourself? How lonely you choose to be?

Some will call you strong, some foolish, but no one will ever see the fire that threatens to burn it all to the ground, for a moment of companionship. For a second of acceptance. 

No one will ever see your desire to be seen. But such is life. So you build your walls and convince yourself that it is okay to be lonely- it is the only way. 

With all the love in the world

Yours truly,

Butterfly

If you have any suggestions, doubts or queries feel free to mention them in the comment box below. My poetry book ' Fires of Grief: A tale of transformation' is available on Amazon and Flipkart. For a special discount use code PRINCESS50 on the website below. Fires of Grief